F'n wagon

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lil bit
Alright, I know it's time to get back on that wagon, esp seeing as Big's already abandoned me...f'ker.

I have a hard time with self-motivation, I get in a rut and get depressed, and my tendency is to stay that way. I know I've got depression, but I'm not taking anything to treat it because I hate the side effects, they either make me put on 30lbs, make me irritable, or make me sweat, which I'm already predisposed to do quite heavily. And now with Jim's death and my boyfriend dumping me, and the relationship weight I put on, I've got a bit of a fight if I want to get my ass back in gear.

I know everyone has issues, I've just got to put my big girl panties on, clean up my eating, and get back in the gym...but somedays that seems like the hardest thing in the world to do...

Well, that's my moaning for the day done. I'm going to clean out the fridge and get some cooking done tonight, after the gym.  

20 Aug 2009 20:11
and so it begins  

20 Aug 2009 21:36
listen to some good music and get your ass going... were all waiting for ya  

21 Aug 2009 00:23
i feel ya girl.im right there with ya.got back in the gym and eating most of my meals.i also have deppression.got it from my mom.i have anti anxiety meds too but i dont take em cause they take away my drive at the gym.so here: GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO IT BIAAAATCH! :thumbs:  

21 Aug 2009 01:23
lil bit
I'm in, I'm in I swear!!! lol! Sorry, every now and then I get down and need to vent...

There's a bodypump class at Gold's that I'm starting to take to help get the extra weight off and build up my endurance again...it's an hour class, but about 40 minutes of it is aerobic weight lifting, I guess you could say?? The other 20 is warmup/cooldown, and switching setups. It was a tossup between that and the spin class. I'm going to take the bodypump class twice a week, the kettlebell class once a week, and do cardio on the other days. I'll stick with this schedule for two months, and then see where I'm at.

I should know by now I can always rely on you guys to kick my ass!!! :D  

21 Aug 2009 15:48
heheheh you said bodypump..........twice!  

21 Aug 2009 16:11
:hi:lmao.you should join my class.its called pumpbody,its almost the same as bodypump but theres 20 mins foreplay and 40 mins........Hi guaranteed to sweat.lol  

21 Aug 2009 23:58
lil bit
Sounds like more fun than the one I'm taking! Sign me up!! :D  

22 Aug 2009 04:46
well cum on in girl! we're waiting for ya:thumbs:  

22 Aug 2009 16:00
lil bit
Well, it's been long enough, I guess...

I thought I'd give ya'll an update of what was going on towards the end of last year, beginning of this one.

Back in November I contacted canni's old work, his mom's company, and ended up talking to his aunt, who I'd never met. When he started working for his mom's company, he set up the life insurance with me as the beneficiary. She said his mom had told her to go through all of his paperwork, and that there was no 401k or life insurance policy, that he'd closed those out because he was applying for VA benefits.

The next day, his mom calls me up. She said that according to cali law, as we'd been separated for such a long time we were basically considered divorced without the paperwork and that I wasn't entitled to anything. Then she said that while there wasn't a 401k, there was a life insurance, and told me the amount she thought it was for. Then she told me that canni'd had several people suing him before he died, and as far as they knew he was single. As long as I agreed to split the money with her 50/50 it would stay that way, but if I didn't, then she was going to let them all know about me and I'd be sued. When I asked her how, if I wasn't entitled to anything, I could be sued, she asked me if I was going to handle this as a civilized adult or if I was going to attack her. As she had all the paperwork, I gave in.

Less than two weeks later, an angel found me an attorney who agreed to take me on contingency...he bounced between being appalled that someone would think they could get away with that and laughing because what she'd said had been utter bullshit. Two months later, he got me the information, and the check was cut by the insurance company on the day that would have been his 27th birthday. She actually asked him if I intended to split the money with her still.

I also learned that bblondon is claiming that the child she's carrying is canni's. Luckily in cali you have to have a blood test before you can put a man's name down as father, and the coroner kept some of his blood. She found out the sex the Monday of Thanksgiving week, but, though she's claiming it's their dead son's child, made his family wait until she could make a big entrance on Thanksgiving before she would tell them what she's carrying.

So, that's how things have been. Needless to say, my ability to give a shit about anything has been lacking for months, but thanks to canni I have a chance at a new start, so trying to make sure I get it going in the right direction...

What's sad is that, regardless, she's family. If my mother-in-law had come to me as family and asked me to split the money with her to cover his expenses I wouldn't have hesitated. You take care of family. Instead, she tried to manipulate and blackmail me, so I took care of me, which is what he would have wanted.  

03 Mar 2010 22:39
OMg I hope you are well lilbit,,been a while since I have been on here,,,How did Canni die?  

14 Oct 2010 01:56

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